do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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