OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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