very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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