remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
