I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
