I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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