my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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