I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
