Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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