if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
