dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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