The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
