Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
