can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
