is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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