The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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