I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
