apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
