ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
