i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
