he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
