so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
