I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
