return my video game
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've blown a few things in my day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
