Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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