Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
