It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
