My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
