I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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