I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
