Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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