This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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