i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
