I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
