He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
