I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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