If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
