Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
