this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
