I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
