She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
