Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
whose parrot is this?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
