Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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