Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
