I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
