Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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