Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i think i just lost a toe
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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