Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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