umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
