Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
