eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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