his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
